<![CDATA[BACKYARD BIRD ADVENTURES - News from the Nest]]>

<![CDATA[BACKYARD BIRD ADVENTURES - News from the Nest]]>Fri, 22 May 2026 18:28:14 -0400Weebly<![CDATA[FIGHT, FLIGHT, OR ...FREEZE]]>Mon, 24 Aug 2020 03:03:47 GMThttps://www.backyardbirdadventures.com/newsfromthenest/fight-flight-or-freezeFight, flight, or... freeze

As we trudge through what feels like the never-ending days of August, I am struck by the relatively quiet bird world around me. August brings what feels like endless hours of stifling heat with the only respite an occasional afternoon thunderstorm. The difference in the sights and sounds between now and the past few months are remarkable. Gone are the numerous spring cries of varying pitch and harmony that universally communicate one message of hunger from hatchlings to parent. Gone is the spring prelude of loud and at times non-melodic peeps from tiny hatchlings nestled safely in the trees. Sounds which crescendo into a warm summer days as the fledgings emerge from the safety of the nest and fill our sights with frenzied flights and awkward landings. Bringing new antics daily to amuse us.

It is these thoughts which makes me feel that August is not really part of the musical piece that nature presents us; but rather, it is merely an intermission between two beautiful and invigorating acts of beauty; however, upon closer inspection there is still beauty and life even in the dwindling days of summer. In reality, If I listen purposefully, I can hear the cries of the third brood/two fledges of our Mockingbird pair along with the soft peeping of our last Blue Jay fledge.   If I dwell in this moment, not only can I hear the hammering of the Pileated Woodpecker pair who made their nest nearby for the first-time this year, but I might even catch a slight glimpse of their awkward little fledge who now joining their foraging. Foraging which is routinely interrupted by the Carolina Wrens whose frequently dart out of our bushes, jump up onto the railing, and throw their heads back singing with wild abandon. Once again, proving that despite their tiny little body, not only did God intend them to sing but equipped them with an unexpected loud, clear ability to do so. These familiar scenes along with numerous flapping wings, patient parents, awkward landings and overall excitement is still a pleasure to view and brings me happiness if I only take the time to savor them.   If that weren’t enough to enjoy on even the most stifling of days in August, this month still held a special surprise.... or two surprises in this case. The surprise was unveiled as an odd-looking bird the size of a cardinal, with the speckles and the coloring of a Robin fledge, who appeared unexpectedly in our tree and feeder one day.   It’s furtive coming and going almost missed in the space of a sip of coffee, recognized only by the keen eyes of Abby; due mostly to her earlier research which armed her with the knowledge and ability to spot the arrival of the first Towhee fledge this August. Of course, once she saw one appear and pointed it out, it was easier to spot the arrival of the second fledge. A moment we cherished, despite the nagging mystery of the overnight disappearance of the adult mated pair, and frustrating lack of knowledge as to why they left and where their new nest is located, obviously nearby. Nonetheless, we were delighted to see their offspring, a male and female. Of course, this surprise is coupled with some constants which is comfort itself. Constants like the incessant pecking of the dove fledges’ daily seed seeking, and the emergence of the Cardinals’ last brood, two cowbirds, only reinforce that in dullness of the moment one can find delight and often it is better to take the good, ignore the nuisances, and accept things as they are. Accept that despite the planning and persistence one might have in nature, as well as in life, chaos is always possible. In this chaos and challenge of acceptance, is where I find my temptation. My temptation to only look to the future to try to rush through each moment, forgetting that each day, even August brings an opportunity for new discoveries and adventures along with daily choices.

Choices to make each day. Choices that humans and birds share.   One morning, the August Blue Jay fledge was happily eating partially hidden in front of the light green foliage of the yet to bloom mums in my window box. She had mastered the ability to slunk down, quickly pop up to eat seed independently, and pop back down against the safety of the plants. A procedure which she did several times. This behavior was of course supervised from afar, by the watchful eye of an adult Blue Jay perched in the top of an adjacent tree, whom I assumed was a parent. This procedure was repeated several times when from the north the “hawk” alarm call sounded. In what felt like minutes but in reality was probably a matter of seconds, I saw the adult Blue Jay look at her fledge and back in the direction of the alarm, to her fledge and back, and again a third time. It seemed to me she was faced with a choice, fight or flight. Fly to her offspring or leave it alone and join the fight. Instantly she chose. She left the fledge in the safety of our plants and flew off to join the fight. This made me think of one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament found in I Kings 18:17-I Kings 19:1-19.   Elijah faces the four-hundred and fifty prophets of Baal. Like the choice the adult Jay had, Elijah tells the people enough is enough it is time to choose God or Baal. To this end, Elijah devised a contest, whichever god/God won the contest would be the true God. Winning, was determined by lighting up the sacrifice and altar prepared ahead of time via fire from heaven. The prophets of Baal go first. They set up the altar and sacrifice etc.   All morning long the prophets called to Baal, to no avail. Around noon Elijah begins to taunt the prophets of the Baal (I particularly enjoy the Biblical sarcasm and getting a small glimpse into Elijah’s humanity in his taunts. That must be because I am not sarcastic at all..lol). He tells them to cry louder that maybe Baal couldn’t answer because he was busy, or sleeping etc. Spoiler alert, Baal never answered. Elijah subsequently upped the challenge to God by pouring water over his altar three times, soaking the sacrifice and altar until water flowed into the trench around the altar. In, I Kings 18:36-38, we see Elijah’s simple prayer and God’s immediate answer of fire from heaven which consumed the sacrifice, wood, stones, dust and all the water. Elijah made his choice and similarly the Blue Jay made her choice, in both cases they chose to fight. If you live in the moment, there will times you will have to fight.   Sometimes to fight is the right answer to defend your actions, beliefs, circumstances, or even your life itself. This was Elijah’s moment. This fight to him was worth it; given that some of the prophets of God had been slaughtered and the king and queen were evil beyond evil, the people had turned to Baal the right fight. Elijah through God’s guidance knew a showdown was necessary.   Is the answer always to fight? No but there are some fights that despite your best efforts or despite the adeptness of your ability you SHOULD not or even CAN NOT run from, so like my Blue Jay and Elijah, fight.

In the early evenings of August, the numerous Doves often litter the trees around our house. it is almost amusing to see their reaction when larger birds drop in, it is an immediate mass exodus. Interesting enough, upon their exodus not a peep is purposely made but the beating of our eighteen ++ wings (9 Doves++) does create a unique noise and makes me catch my breath every time.   We know that this is a learned response to a negative stimulus, in this case the perception of an enemy the Hawk landing, evokes a flight response by the Doves. What we don’t always realize that just like “known” enemy or pattern behavior causes the flight response, the introduction of the unknown stimulus can also elicit a flight response. The Doves have an expectation of certain neighborhood sounds. When they hear an unexpected noise, it causes a reaction.    The unknown most certainly may not be a hawk or even an actual threat; but because it is unexpected ie the slamming of a house door, the screeching of a nearby car’s tire, the desire for self-preservation and/or fear of the unknown takes over and shapes the Doves’ reaction. Typically, when one mentions the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal, the story ends after Elijah’s victory BUT.... this is not the end of this story. Like Paul Harvey used to say...here is the rest of the story. When Ahab, the king, recounts happened with the prophets to his wife, Jezebel, the evil queen, Jezebel does not back down. In fact, Jezebel levels up, gets angrier and even threatens Elijah’s life. Now, I don’t know what Elijah was expecting. I suspect that maybe Elijah had the expectation that upon winning the contest and killing the false prophets, all the people even Jezebel would turn toward God. Perhaps he is genuinely surprised or disappointed by her response.   Perhaps he was just, “plumb wore out,” ...exhausted by the battle. Whatever the reason we do know Elijah’s response to Jezebel’s anger and subsequent threat. A difference response from before. This time he flees.... for his life.    Elijah made a choice. Faced with fight or flight. He chose to flee.   The Doves flee daily. I have fled flights before. Elijah made a choice it's not the WHY of the choice that touches me but rather God’s reaction to Elijah’s flight that simultaneously breaks my heart and comforts me. Elijah ran a day’s journey, sat down under a tree, and asked God to die. God's response was to strike Elijah down. Nope, God gave Elijah time. God give Elijah time to sleep and time to be nourished.   God took care of Elijah by sending an angel to feed him.   Whatever the why of Elijah’s response, God knew Elijah was weary and hungry. He had mercy on him...not once but twice. The birds flee in order to live another day, to feed another day, to fight another day whether their perceived threat is really an actual threat, fleeing is a valid choice for the Doves. Fleeing can also be a valid choice for us. A momentary respite can be the proper preparation for future chaos. A tactical retreat can be strategic to future victory.   God allowed Elijah to flee and nourished him in preparation for the future. Living in the moment may mean that we make a choice in that moment even if it is a choice to temporarily flee.     Fighting...or fleeing both are choice but there is also a third choice.

One rainy afternoon, the cute Downy Woodpecker was flitting among the other birds and in-between the tree and feeder when there was a instantaneous mass exodus.   As I heard the rush of wings I glanced out and there in the trees was of course the hawk. The Downy was on the suet feeder at that moment. As I saw the hawk in the tree so too did the Downy and she was faced with fight or flight decision.   Unfortunately, for whatever reason she missed her opportunity to leave with the other birds, ie protection in numbers. So, if you consider the options flight or fight as the only options, she was left with fight alone or flee alone. Both options are dangerous as downy is very tiny at the most four inches; relatively fast but not known for supersonic speed. Likewise, while other birds are known to take on bigger predators the Downy Woodpecker is not one of them. As all these thoughts ran through my brain, the Downy gripped the tiny vertical box with a little roof which is hanging off the porch railing, our suet feeder.   Faced with what was a seemingly impossible decision, the Downy chose a third often ignored choice. The Downy clung to the side and flattened her body against the side of the feeder, and froze in place. The little known third option to the fight or flight scenario, it is to freeze.    She made her decision. The best decision she could make at the time. Unbeknownst to the Downy at the time she made her decision her life was about to become increasingly more complicated. She had no way of knowing when she decided to freeze in place that there was variable beyond her knowledge let alone her control. As she clung there without moving even one feather, the light summer rain worsened into a torrential downpour. The determined woodpecker held on. The feeder swayed in the wind but she didn’t move. The rain pelted her, but she did not move. Meanwhile, another party to this drama also had a decision to make.   At the time that the Downy made her decision to stay the Hawk made his decision too. He stayed as well. So, while the Downy froze in place initially from fear, the Hawk stayed in place and was forced to remain there due to the weather. I doubt the Downy realized that fact; all she knew was she was alone/exposed and made the best decision possible under the circumstances. As the moments ticked by, I began to wonder how long a woodpecker could hang off the side of a feeder without moving.   Nonetheless, the Downy was unaffected by my worries and as the Hawk remained, so too the Downy also remained hanging on to er decision and the feeder.   Admirably enough, both parties made that decision and committed wholly to that despite the chaos around them.    After was felt like hours but was more like thirty minutes, the rain lessened. Subsequently, the Hawk left, and the Downy made her move, flying swiftly ...and safely away. When we are faced with an impossible choice or not sure of God’s leading it is ok to choose freeze. Faced with her situation this was the choice the Downy Woodpecker made and ultimately, she lived another day.   I think the reason freezing is often overlooked as an option is that freezing is a temporary action that can quickly become permanent leading to unhealthy thinking. Freezing is a valid temporary response that you can take safely when other action is unclear or until you have an opportunity to flee or fight. God allowed others in the Bible to use the freeze option. When God told King David, “No,” he couldn’t build him a temple we find David, “sitting before the Lord,” and a conversation/explanation commenced.   When Hezekiah was faced with an alarming and intimidating adversary, God delivered him, albeit initially temporarily, but not wholly. His opponent was determined and committed to returning to conquer Hezekiah and his people. A commitment demonstrated in the letter sent to Hezekiah by his enemy in essence telling him...I am coming back for you all. Hezekiah, so overwhelmed with fear by the threats in the letter went to the Lord and could only lay the letter before the Lord and pray.   There are times when a choice is not immediately clear so freeze and wait for God to give you a direction.

Hope is necessary to living well but living in each moment means to enjoy that moment in and of itself. In order to live in the moments, we must make decisions, daily. We make the best decision we can at that moment and let it go.   Choosing to fight ALWAYS is never the right choice. Choosing to flee ALWAYS is not the right choice and will not allow you to meet your potential in life. Choosing to freeze ALWAYS can lead to uncertainty and negative thinking.    Elijah left the juniper tree where he had slept and where he was nourished by God. He then journeyed to the mount of God (a trip God told him he would take) and found a cave in which he would stay.   In my opinion this is the part where we start to see perhaps a point that freezing can cause problems.    God asks Elijah, “Hey what are you doing here.” (I am paraphrasing) We find that Elijah repeats a similar answer to what he said to God way back under the juniper tree, forty days earlier. Uh Oh, it's one thing to be hungry, exhausted and feel down but he is seemingly stuck in a patterned response. We know this because Elijah had since traveled from the juniper tree, he had been refreshed and he had been led by the Lord into a new area. Yet, he still wants to die, feels alone, and indicates things are hopeless. In Elijah’s answer we see what happens when one dwells in one decision too long. Fleeing and freezing in order to regroup might be strategic but staying frozen put Elijah’s behavior on repeat.   Instead of taking each day as it came, he was still dwelling on his past view of the circumstances. By dwelling on his decision his reality becomes skewed by his feelings. We know this by the recounting of his words to God. There are a couple things he says in his answer that aren’t quite accurate, but one always stands out to me. Elijah stated he was “the only one left of the prophets” but we know this to be untrue. Yes, many of the prophets had been killed but in 1 Kings 18:4 we see that Obadiah hid 100 prophets from Jezebel. In order to get Elijah’s thinking aligned God then goes through some demonstrations which among other things displays an important link between expectations and decisions.   God shows Elijah that just because God doesn’t act the WAY Elijah expects, doesn’t mean God is not acting, speaking, or moving at all. Elijah’s initial expectation of the result of his victory over the prophets may not have be fulfilled, his fear increased, and negative feelings followed freezing him in a place in his mind too long. Ultimately, God reminds Elijah to focus on his present and straightens out Elijah's skewed thinking with the real facts. (I am paraphrasing again, it a much better to read it.) At which point, Elijah gets up and gets moving once again.

So, while I hope for the future and beautiful fall birding, I need to live in THIS moment, or I will miss the blessings of today’s birding. Sometimes the beauty around is not as so obvious as the lively days of spring but it is still there. Living in the present means putting my whole soul into my current endeavors. It also means accepting and even embracing the inevitable chaos that comes when my decisions (whatever decisions I make) and the variables that are completely out of my control converge together. It might mean that one day I fight a good fight, one day I flee from trouble in order to fight in the future, or even that I freeze until I am certain of the way. Regardless, each day we are given is a gift and should not be wasted by looking back nor should the present day be ignored by looking too far in the future, but each day should be lived fully, one hour at a time.

Happy Birding!

]]><![CDATA[June 12th, 2020]]>Fri, 12 Jun 2020 21:56:31 GMThttps://www.backyardbirdadventures.com/newsfromthenest/dont-judge-a-bird-by-its-feathersdon't judge a bird by it's feathers...

Mockingbird fledge (2020)

Once again, to our immense pleasure, fledges abound in our backyard. (for a current count visit our homepage at www.backyardbirdadventures.com). Although birds have existed for thousands of years without us, I can’t help feeling a little pleased that our fantastic bird buffet has contributed to the abundant and diverse procreation in the trees. I should explain that we don’t take pictures all day. Currently, we have a couple of bedrooms as well as the office on the second floor of the house, near the windows and doors that can view the bird feeders and surrounding trees. Aside from first thing in the morning, typically we go about our business and just keep a camera within arms reach. This behavior works most of the time, but I will admit there are some days during homeschooling or work that we have to shut the blinds and curtains because of the distractions, but with it being summer, those days are rare.

Our Mockingbird pair. (2020)

With the young birds visiting our trees and often staying all day, I become more of a Mom and fret about their well-being. It is not that I believe God needs me to look out for them but more that I don’t want my seed or my feeders to bring harm upon them. Unwanted visitors to the feeder further exacerbate my feelings. Some of you may remember last year we had multiple visits from the Cooper’s Hawk to the actual feeder area. He visited so much that we considered taking the feeder down until he moved on. The birds, however, got very good at engaging in “Mobbing behavior.” I have NEVER seen him with a bird in his talons, nor have I ever seen him successfully capture anything; however, I was not pleased when he returned last week multiple days in a row. The Mockingbirds, Grackles, and Blue Jays led the charge in “Mobbing,” him. The Blue Jays sound the alarm (and they are always right because even when our blinds are closed if we run over to the window, the Hawk is around somewhere). The Mockingbirds and Grackles will charge the Hawk, next the little birds and the Crows nearby will fly-in and hassle him too. (See my July 10, 2019 blog: The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend). I just keep telling myself that maybe he is garnering other prey. As most of you know, we live in an older neighborhood, so there is no shortage of vermin that he could snatch. Additionally, though we sweep every day, birdseed can sometimes attract those other creatures, and as bias as it is, I am fine with the Hawk grabbing one of those, especially if it means he leaves the birds alone.

Blue Jay and Red-bellied Woodpecker at Mealworm bowl. (2019)

As I said, the Mockingbirds are instrumental in our Hawk deterrent program. They have been with us from when I first put up the feeder at this house, but initially would not come near us or the feeder. They preferred to steal tomatoes out of Essie’s garden. It used to infuriate Abby too as she could only get a glimpse of them from a distance, and when she did, they would turn around so she only could get a picture of their rear-end. After a while, they ended up coming to the feeder every couple of days. This lurking behavior continued for a while, but then eventually they and their two surviving fledges from asynchronous broods last year began to come daily. We do not believe their nest is in our yard, but it IS located this year in a different place than the two years previously. Mockingbirds often change nests and can even change nests in the middle of a year, actually raising same year subsequent broods in different locations. In general, some of you might not like Mockingbirds, as they have a horrible reputation for aggressiveness towards humans, house pets, and other birds. Interestingly enough, we haven’t seen this escalated behavior at our feeder. The Mockingbirds ARE aggressive to get the worms but NO more vigorous than the Blue Jays, House Sparrows, or Red-bellied Woodpeckers.

Mockingbird song in our tree.

Sometimes, I think their appearance aides in their reputation. If you look closely at our pictures of the Mockingbirds, they don’t have “sweet or cute” face. Their beak curves ever so slightly downward, sometimes giving them what might be mistaken for a menacing appearance. Like most Mockingbirds, “Ours,” in particular, the male is VERY vocal. This vocalization is usually in the form of a song. Not only can they sing many songs during the day AND occasionally at night, but they make less pleasing sounds. Ours will mimic toads and even Abby’s beep-beep of her car alarm setting. They make a particularly odd sound when I come out to fill the feeders each morning while they sit nearby in the tree, immediately flying to the feeders the second I finish. Needless to say, I haven’t disliked them ever or become concerned by their reputation for bad behavior, until one day last week.

Mockingbird adult and fledge in our tree near the feeder. (2020)

When I wake up, I make coffee and fill up the bird feeders (the order in which I do this depends entirely on whether the Blue Jays are squawking on my railing for food). I also put out one mouthwash cup of meal-worms per day (during nesting season or when they line up outside the sliding doors, I might relent and give them two cups). After this, I do my devotions, drink my (two) cups of coffee, and watch the birds for a few minutes each morning. This particular day, while I was enjoying my coffee and watching the birds, the Mockingbirds for the first time began an “Arcing Tackle Assault,” on the other birds. One Mockingbird would stand by the Meal-worms (in the middle of the railing balcony) while the other Mockingbird would disappear below the left-hand side of the balcony railing. When a bird would land on the railing to eat the Meal-worms, the Mockingbird who had disappeared on the left side would fly an almost perfect 180-degree arc (low and long) up from the left side, barely over the railing, and straight at the bowl, tackling the bird on the meal-worm bowl down to the ground. His mate waiting on the other end of the railing, would hop over, take some meal-worms, and leave only to return a few minutes later and wait again. They did this coordinated assault multiple times, and I was flabbergasted. At that moment, Abby came in, and I told her what happened, adding that I think we needed to run over to Lowes to get some hanging baskets. I thought if I hung baskets on the left, it would at least block the Mockingbirds from one element of their attack, the surprise factor. The birds on the bowl did not see him coming since he flew straight up and over the railing. Of course, Abby reminded me that we try not to interfere, etc. but I was very annoyed at my normally well-behaved pair and would not be dissuaded. A few minutes later, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a bird at the top of the tree. I only saw this bird because it fell off the branch, righted itself, and fell off again. After looking through the camera lens, it appeared that this was a fledge. Well, that was interesting! Our first Mockingbird fledge of this season.

Three Mockingbird fledges in our tree by feeder. (6.2020)

A few minutes later, I hear a great cacophony of cries and looked up into the tree. Now there were THREE Mockingbird fledges! Oh oops, that might explain the behavior. Interestingly enough, behavior differs among birds. In Mockingbirds, both the female and male have a mutual selection/participation in the process of choosing a mate. Mutual selection is rare in the birding world. In addition, “High nesting success is associated with highly aggressive males attacking intruders in the territory, and so these males are preferred by females.” 1. (Breitwisch, R., 1986) Aggressiveness is preferred. Though they are monogamous, if, during the breeding season, the female determines that the male is not providing “a high enough level of care, which includes feeding and nest defense,” she can decide to change mates. 1.(Breitwisch, R., 1986) So, not only is aggressiveness welcomed, it is desired. Therefore, it makes sense that their aggressiveness increases when the nestlings were newly fledged and hanging around. Given the high mortality rate for fledges, their behavior all made sense to me. Of course, I felt badly for making snap judgments regarding same. Interestingly, the fledges have been back every day since, and the Mockingbirds adults have NEVER once repeated this interesting “180-degree tackling maneuver.” I think I know why they did this on that particular day, but that is for another time.

Roseate Spoonbill seen at HBSP on bird field trip, 2020.

In addition to part-time birdwatching, occasionally, we go on bird field trips. Last week, Abby and I went on a spontaneous bird field trip to Huntington Beach State Park (HBSP). Aside from the Roseate Spoonbills, we went to see, on the Causeways we saw some Barn Swallows both nesting and flying around.

Barn Swallow at HBSP (2020)

Being from a big city originally, this is the first time I got a super great look at Swallows. As a young girl, I saw them at my grandmother's house, and later bird trips but never so many and so close. We, of course, attempted to take pictures of them sitting and in-flight; though we understand due to their speed and size, flight pictures are very hard to capture.

Barn Swallow at HBSP peeking out of the nest. (2020)

Of course, not having the ideal lens did not deter us from snapping pictures. (We tend to use more all-purpose zoom lenses, i.e., one that can do relatively close along with some zooming but ends up being just ok, even very poor when we begin zooming in a lot). While we long for the gigantic telephoto lens, it is not going to happen any time soon due to the price point. Nonetheless, we did get a few decent pictures of their tiny, violet-blue, and orange round heads peeking up out of the nest. Their faces were very adorable.

Barn Swallow at HBSP in flight. (2020)

We also got a couple of pictures of them in flight. As is our norm, after returning home, we looked up information on barn swallows. Then it happened. As we read, buried in the seemingly unending lines of facts about these cute, tiny, pudgy, quick, colorful fliers, Abby read it. “Unmated male Barn Swallows may kill the nestlings of a nesting pair. His actions often succeed in breaking up the pair and affords him the opportunity to mate with the female.” 2. (Cornell Labs, All about Birds, Barn Swallow: Cool Facts). What? This colorful unmated male Swallow murders the NESTLINGS with the sole purpose of getting to mate with the female he wants. Ugg, not cool. Guess this tiny guy is not so fantastic.

Adult Mockingbird on our railing. (2020)

So far, we have the medium-sized dull gray and white Mockingbirds, whose crime of aggressiveness toward what they perceive at predators or threats to their territory/nest/fledges food has garnered a well-known reputation for bad behavior. On the other side, we have a beautifully colored, tiny, adorable, chubby bird, half the size of the Mockingbirds whose desire to mate often means it kills helpless nestlings to ensure his procreation with the female mate of his choosing. No one talks about that! Like bird appearances, people's appearances can be very deceiving and are often wrong. Maybe the guy who never jokes is really just very serious, not sad. The woman who won’t talk to you is not a snob but is really shy. The older man who always has something to say is not necessarily a know-it-all, but loves knowledge and is just innocently nerdy. Trust me; I could go on. Maybe this is why God is truly the only being with the ability to judge fairly. “Man looks on the outward appearance; God looks at the heart.”

Mockingbird adult landing on the mealworm bowl. (2020)

Experiences are personal and perception is the key. For years I have cautioned the kids with what may seem like a very ambiguous phrase. “Everyone has something, try not to judge a person because you don’t know what their 'Something,' is and you don’t know how it affects them.” For our family, this "Something," is decidedly a negative. I believe everyone will have some type of negative experience in their life. Understand, though, that my idea of a negative experience and your idea of a negative experience might be two vastly different things. It is all about perception. Hence this is the problem. I might not perceive your life-path altering negative experience as a “real” problem, but IT IS to you; IF you view it as that. This is where compassion and empathy come in. So I still maintain, we all have something or will have something that, to us is negative and life-altering, which will ultimately shape us as a person. Additionally, I am convinced that aside from knowing someone has a “Something” in their life is not enough. We can never genuinely EVER really know how an experience has affected someone. Sometimes the person who had the experience, doesn't even know how it has shaped them. You and I could have the same, “Something,” and it will affect both of us differently. This means that no matter what, we can’t and shouldn’t judge that person based on what WE perceive. The girls poke fun at me because, in the course of sharing stories of my upbringing, I share one about walking to school in south Florida in the 80's. According to them, every time I tell the story, I make it sound progressively worse. Nearing the conclusion of one of these retold stories, Abby cut me off and finished it by saying, “Yes Mom, we know! You walked to school, carrying your violin, and lugging your enormous 50 lb book-bag, in hot polyester skirts, uphill both ways, through the blinding snow in Florida!” Ha-ha, not entirely, but this is a good example. At times this is what it “felt” like to me. It is about perception. Now, I am not discounting the negative aspects of childhood that some people experience which we would all agree and are statistically shown to be definitely life-altering or decidedly negative: incest, abandonment, abuse, rape, poverty, etc. I am trying to say that it shouldn’t matter whether we agree it is traumatic or not. We don’t have the right to judge a person or their trauma whatsoever. Titus 3:2- To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, [but] gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.

Mockingbird fledge near our house. (2020)

Behavior taken out of context is almost ALWAYS misinterpreted, and our own experiences cloud the interpretation. Last week, I judged the Mockingbirds (Mockies) negatively after “knowing” them for two years and after only seeing a few minutes of “bad behavior. Why, possibly because I had preconceived knowledge regarding them. Could it be that over the last few years when I mentioned the Mockies to others, I always got a negative reaction which eventually clouded my judgment? So, despite knowing better, I made a snap judgment, shaped by what people said to me about Mockingbirds, and subsequently was ready to jump right in with my own “superior,” judgmental fix. So too, not only do we make judgments about others but too often the judgments other people make and communicate to us (usually NOT wholly supported by an abundance of facts) also shape our thoughts about a person. This is especially true if their judgments or assumptions reinforce our own silent feelings about someone. Isn’t it funny that this is almost universally negative? I wonder what would happen if maybe despite your own misgivings, the next time someone sidles up to you and tells you something negative about another person instead of responding in kind, you say, “Hmm, wow, I don’t think that can be true. She/he seems nice. I have never seen her/him _______________.” Try it. I’d bet a week of birdseed the person spreading the negative judgment will snap their mouth shut almost immediately, stammer for their next words, or change their tone entirely. Not only is behavior taken out of context is almost always misinterpreted. I think we have ALL had our behavior grossly misinterpreted even in context when all of the facts were not known. The difference is that some of us are given the benefit of the doubt, and others are not. This is in direct contradiction to what God tells us. Luke 6:37 – “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.”

Mockingbird adult and fledge on our mealworm bowl. (2020)

Judging others silently or even not silently might be a part of our human nature, but it doesn’t have to be. Just like I jumped in to try to create a solution to fix the mockingbird behavior, so too do we often jump in judge and formulate a solution to fix other people. Remember, everyone has something, even YOU! When you see a glimpse of what you think is someone's “Something” ….pray for them, show kindness, help them, or just overlook it. Do you really know the whole story? Probably not. Do you really need to know?

After all, sometimes the best of us look like the plain gray Mockingbirds with the downward tilting beaks, flying a kamikaze mission at perceived threats to their babies existence with zero regards for their own safety. Sometimes, the worst of us are self-centered murderers outfitted in adorable, brightly adorned Swallow packages. Stop trying to figure out and fix which are which. Love all, forgive all, and trust that ONLY God knows for sure, and that’s the way it should be!

🕊Happy Birding

Barn Swallow at Huntington Beach State Park

Breitwisch, R. (1986). "Parental Investment by the Northern Mockingbird: Male and Female Roles in Feeding Nestlings". The Auk. 103: 152–159. JSTOR 4086973.
https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Barn_Swallow/overview

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